Holding on tight…

to this life.  Some days it is harder than others.  Some days I think longingly of days gone by; happy times with Jim and watching my children grow.  However the sheer joy of being alive is always with me.

The doctor visits and tests at times seem more than I can bear.  I am a fighter and so I deal with it.  I am always grateful to see another day.

It has been almost one year since I started using the C-pap mask.  I have to see the pulmonary doctor in March.  Medicare and Health Alliance together have paid for most of the cost of it.  I guess I am sleeping better.  At least I was told that I would.  I still have sleepless nights occasionally if I go to bed with some worrying thing on my mind.

“No one longs to live more than someone growing old.”

~ Sophocles ~

Coping with the C-pap…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_airway_pressure

When all was said and done I ended up the proud possessor of a C-pap machine.  The very latest style.  I know that some people have no problem getting used to the face mask.  Not so for me.  Perhaps it was psychological because I just didn’t want the darn thing.  I am not stupid however and I knew that I needed to use this thing for the sake of my heart.

The guy from Pro-Care was very nice and patient with me.  I started first with the nose mask then on to several other kinds.  I was still breathing through my mouth and defeating the purpose of the mask.

I finally ended up with a full face mask which was the only one that really worked.  At first it almost drove me crazy.  I have been told by several friends that they had no problem at all with the mask and a couple told me they couldn’t tolerate it and gave up entirely.

The machine and the mask amounted to almost $3,000 dollars,  Here is the story I got from the pulmonary doctor and from Pro-Care.  The machine has a micro-chip in it which records your usage.  In 90 days you had to record at least 4 hours a day, then you would see the doctor again. You take the micro-chip to Pro-Care, they download it and send results to the doctor so that he can verify with Medicare that you have used it the required number of hours.  If you haven’t then you are responsible for the debt.  If you follow all necessary requirements after 2 years you are the proud owner and Medicare will pay for you to have a new mask every 6 months.

I did not have an easy time getting used to it.  I have been wearing the mask for almost 5 months now.  Some nights I wake up and want to yank that thing off so bad, but I don’t.

This is exactly what my face mask looks like.  beth