Saturday, August 11, 2012

Moving on…

For the 2 years of Jim’s illness I ignored my own health.  I knew that my BP was getting out of control.  I was so busy being a caregiver that I wasn’t taking care of myself.  Jim was in the hospital so many times and I was spending each day that he was there with him.

I would get up at 7 AM and drive myself the 30 miles to the hospital in Champaign where he was a patient.  I would stay until about 45 minutes until dark and then I would drive  home.

As his illness progressed the rounds of chemo got more aggressive and I would stay day and night only going home long enough to check the mail at the post office and get a shower and change of clothing.

In late October a few weeks before he died I received word that his sister in Florida had passed away.  I was at the hospital with Jim when I received the news.  I had been there all night with him and I needed to go home to change clothes and pay some bills, etc.  I asked his doctor about telling Jim the news.  The doctor  thought that he was too weak to be told.

I couldn’t find my way out of Champaign!  I had driven in this University city for over 40 years and traveled back and forth dozens of times to the hospital in all kinds of weather and I couldn’t find I 57.  I was so stressed out about how I would tell Jim this devastating news.  I drove clear across town and finally picked up an entrance ramp which put me  miles out of the way.

The story at this time is not nearly finished so I will continue it tomorrow.


Oct 20,  2006 002

I took this picture out of the window of Jim’s hospital room on the 7th floor in October 2006.  You can see some of the University of Illinois buildings in the background.


  1. Hi Beth,

    I think it is good that you are continuing to share your story. God has seen you through a very hard demanding sad time, but it has obviously left scars both physical and emotional. Jesus knows because He was left with scars too. I hope and pray that your own health issues will soon calm down and you will know peace.

    Hugs Nita.

  2. I remember that. I came down for the funeral. It was tough not telling him, but I still think it was for the best. You are one tough lady. luv ya. Hopefully will see you soon.

    1. Jim and I could always count on you Mike. I think one thing that hurt me the most was that Jim's sister's family was back here for their mother's burial about an hour away from where Jim lay in the hospital. I know that you told them that they should stop by the hospital to see their uncle. They were too busy to be bothered. That still bothers me 6 years later. I have forgiven them, but it is sure hard to forget.

  3. Sis..sometimes we wonder why things all seem to happen at the same time..I just quit that wondering though..I know GOD is in control and he will carry me through it all. I took similar photos when Mom was in the hospital too. I still don't know why I took them. I send hugs and love today..I know you are still missing Jim terribly. XXOO

  4. Thank you for sharing your story Beth, Big Hugs from across the pond.
    Sheila xx

  5. So nice to find your blog.. It is so inspiring and uplifting.. I'm your new follower..Blessings

  6. Love you, Twin. Have for a long time. I remember when you were able to give us some word on MSN Live Spaces when Jim passed and the months before. We walked with you as far as we were able and we are here with you now. XXOO

  7. Oh Beth, you must have felt panicky. I had a similar experience one time with having the feeling that I was lost. It's a terrible feeling when it happens in an area you know so well.


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